littlepapers

 kirbyann.tumblr.com

I feel annoying but I need to document the fact that I have a really cool life where I experience pure wonderful devoted love from my boyfriend friends and family. I am safe and happy and I have my head on straight and my biggest problem is a crappy stomach. hello world, hold a hand.

 I am going to write one poem everyday for a year and post them here:
cardeina.wordpress.com

 Yesterday I felt marvelous in a way that was different and refreshing. I woke up next to Matt, took a quick shower, kissed him before I left to run some errands at school. He wished me luck. Took care of some registration/book buying business at Rowan. I took my time and strolled through the sunny campus. It actually looked beautiful. I bought a new moleskine sketchbook. I came back to my apartment, woke up Matt, giggled for a half an hour. Walked him downstairs, jumped in the ball pit, made fun of Brett's haircut. Then I made myself lunch and spent the afternoon napping, reading, drawing, and watching tv. It just felt good. Matt and everyone went to get their tattoos, but I stayed at home. At first I was feeling good about that because it was their thing, but when I realized I was the only one not there I got bummed. I'm reading James Salter's "Light Years," and it got me thinking that being happy doesn't mean that you get everything you want, or that everything always goes your way. So it was cool, and anyway I kind of wanted to be alone. I'm a homebody, I like to make sure there is a clean living room for everyone to come back to, complete with snacks. Anyway yesterday I felt great and beautiful. Everyone came back after the tattoos and they were excited to tell me all about it. We watched Lost and ate pizza and snacks. It was the two hour season finale and it was sooooooo amazing. I was kind of mad at Lost this whole season but this made up for it. Crazy. It was the last night for us to spend with the group here. I really love all of them and I'm going to miss seeing them everyday. Just when you get really comfortable in a time and place things have to change. I suppose it is for the better, and all things will in fact be better. They are really special people and I can't wait to see them IRL. hah. So right now I am awake because I ate too much junk food yesterday so now I fell like crap. Today is a Goold day, and a packing day. Matt is in Annapolis with Blair. I am going back to sleep now. 

 I love my Dad and I know he'll be okay but I am afraid to see him sick.

phehwwwwwwwww

So I haven't updated this little guy in awhile, and that is basically because I haven't had the time or energy to type out anything other than school assignments. I have been having a lot of good times lately and I want to be able to read about them later. School work is fine. I work really hard and I've done pretty well. I was really nervous about a grammar paper, but I ended up with an A.

Teaching: I just finished a cool time, teacher time, eight week line up in the fourth grade. It was an experience I will never forget. The kids at the school I went to were economically disadvantaged to say the least. Some kids were in homeless shelters, some had prostitutes and drug addicted mothers, and some were just mad at the world. They inspired me. For the most part they came to school happy and ready to learn. They ate their free breakfast, fooled around with their friends, and shot their little hands in the air during every lesson. I got to lead my own guided reading group, I got to teach math lessons, interview the kids, and I had one on one tutoring sessions with the same student every week. I think we both learned a little bit from those twenty minute sessions, sharing a desk in the hallway. The most rewarding experience came for me on my last day there. The students had a mini chalk boards at their desks as they paid attention to their very first division lesson. After the lesson was over and the kids were instructed to work on the problems independently, I started to make my way from desk to desk, my usual routine. One student who I hadn't spent much time with (except when he was showing me a manga) raised his hand and asked me for help. I don't really know how to explain the rest of it... watching a kid learn something for the first time is amazing. Hearing the excitement in his voice, watching him smile when he finally understood, and just being a part of it. It reminded me that I'm doing this all for a reason. The pointless classes, the mean teachers that should never teach, the heartache I felt after I found out that the student I was supposed to work with for eight weeks wouldn't be back at school because he was living in a homeless shelter... it's okay, I'll do the best I can and that's all anyone can do. School rules, learning rules, teaching rules. Go brains. 

College life: Ahhh! This past semester has been amazing. I never thought I would meet such cool people at Rowan. The group these days has been like this: Matt, Mickey Smithers, Nick, Travis, Kevin, Erica, and me. (also Brett when he isn't home) The silliness is hard to wrap my mind around. It's been fun. I really love these people. Next year they will be gone, except for Mike and me. Mike is moving into Matt's apt when he moves out. Biff and Amy are coming. Tis the season to be jolly and joyous. fa la la, fa la la. They will all be at  art night this summer, and hopefully in our lives for a long time to come. 

Graduation: Matt.... he is graduating! I am excited and proud, but also sad that he won't be here next year. Tonight was his last night at the newspaper, I know he is pumped that that is over. He's smart and really good at what he does... and he's handsome. He'll be just fine.

Ian's art show: Exactly as amazing as I thought it would be, and then some extra.  

Writing: I have started writing short stories. So far I think they will mostly be based on my own experiences and the people around me whom I find interesting or inspiring. This will be therapeutic, fun, stressful, and challenging.

Praying: I do it a lot. Recently I've realized that a lot of people I know do it a lot. I think that their prayers are sweet, and they make me want to cry. 

My mom: My mom is turning 50! We are having a surprise party which me and my dad are planning. I am happy for her because she is spending four days in Murtle Beach with my aunt, and I think that they both deserve a quite little getaway. Today I said "ready freddy?" to Jacki. I am becoming my mother and I'm cool with it.

Anna: Need her, want her, can't wait to have her home. 

Friends: I have recently discovered that it is possible to have judgment free, loving, accepting relationships with people. Especially ones who are different from you, and especially ones who let you be you... but that doesn't mean they can't/don't disagree with you, or say what they want to say about what is going on in their domes. 

That's all I have for now.

 Dear Matt and Ian,
                 Please start doing high school posts again.
-Kirby

I feel like I need a new outlet for writing. When I write here I am very conscious of the fact that other people will be reading it, and that influences what I write. I don't know how I feel about that.

I have been feeling incredibly uncreative. While school is usually thrilling to me, this semester is uninspiring. The people around me are all so smart and beautiful and creative. They make me happy, but I also feel like I can never be as cool as they are.

 Zooey Deschanel.

 amy will be roommate next year
yesssssssss

 everybody gather round' and love, just sing a song of love

Well, today we took Hankie to the vet.
She fooled us.
Not only is she not pregnant, but she has already been spade.
She is perfectly healthy, but pissed that they shaved her belly.

 Matt is playing a two hour show in Hot Topic on March 19th.

continuing to write this paper
drinking tea
listening to akron family
petting my cat

I saw Synecdoche New York last night. I really have no idea how I feel about it. I can't tell if I loved it or hated it. I need to see it again. All I know is that it made me really depressed.

 I am trying to write a paper. I'm almost done, but I am completely and totally uninspired. It's just a three page close reading. I like close reading, I love it actually, and I'm pretty good at it, but right now I'd rather rip out my eyelashes. The paper is for my women in literature class. Nothing we have read so far has done anything much for me, so I'm writing about " The Yellow Wallpaper". Ugh, I have read/written about this story more times than I should, especially considering I'm not all that thrilled by it to begin with. I have other stuff to do, but because this is due tomorrow, I can't really move on until it is finished. I'm pretty much uninspired by school in general this semester. I'm usually so into it, but these classes just aren't doing it for me. Well, that really isn't true. Maybe it is just this class. My brain isn't working.

No more war by August 2010. SEMPER FI 

I am home in Toms River for the weekend, which feels good. It was sad to leave my Hankie for the weekend, but Dan will be checking up on her and scooping poop. Tonight I am babysitting my cousins which I'm sure will be a silly, fantastic time. I have to drive one of my cousins and his friend to a dance at their school. Tomorrow night  Wood Goold, River City Extension, and a few other local acts will be playing at the Java Joint. I'm pretty excited for that because Matt has never played there before. I also love the Java Joint and their sweet potato fries. 


I love learning.



Something I had to tell myself today: Next time you wake up at 6:00 in the morning to get some water, make sure you don't step your bare foot into a pile of cat puke. 
(a.k.a- chronicles of a first time pet owner)


smiles,
Kirb.

 Well I have had a very busy day:
I woke up at 7:30
class
tb shot
don's
staples (I love school supplies...a lot)
class
studying
class(test)
gas
food store(where I blew my cool and started kicking my cart)
home for some cleaning

now I am going to make dinner for Matt and I, and then do homework.

Tomorrow I start my practicum.

YOUANDIANDAFLAMEMAKETHREE

I like my apt... especially with the addition of a sweet and soft mother to be kit-e!








Two things I had to tell myself today: Don't blow your cool at the food store. Don't have a panic attack over a shot.

love ya.

 set 'em wild, set 'em free is blowing my mind

Today was long and jam packed with school. Sometimes after a really long busy day, it feels like
the morning was a week ago.

I just got to talk to Amy which was nice.

I hope everyone had a good valentines day. I did.

Something I had to tell myself today: If someone is being really bossy and pushy, it
is probably okay to tell them to back the freak off.

God this album is good.

I spent last night tending to a cat who was left out in the snow by my jerky neighbors.  I think she was a girl and Jacki and I named her Hankie and fed her tuna fish. She was really sweet but very demanding. She kept us up all night and today I was a walking zombie.

Good night!

home sweet home on friday... i miss my mom

hmph

sleeping at appropriate sleep times is impossible!!